


Fool's Gold

by kimchungha



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Fool's Gold, Friends With Benefits, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, verkwan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22186411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimchungha/pseuds/kimchungha
Summary: They kiss and it's like Vernon combusts. Maybe it's the alcohol, maybe it's just Seungkwan, maybe he’s fire and Vernon is the fuel. People say you shouldn't play with fire but he doesn't give a damn. It's like he's intoxicated. Making out with someone you just met shouldn't feel like this, it shouldn't light your soul on fire.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon
Comments: 8
Kudos: 49





	Fool's Gold

**Author's Note:**

> Fool's Gold by one direction came on shuffle and this is what came out of it! It's the angstiest thing i've ever written but i hope you like it!
> 
> find me on twitter: @hvchungha

_I’m like a crow on a wire_

_You’re the shinning distraction that makes me fly home_

_I’m like a boat on the water_

_You’re the raise on the waves that calm my mind_

_And I know in my heart, you’re not a constant star_

November 2019

“Vernon, stop worrying!! You’ve been studying your ass off for months, you’re going to ace this exam and all the upcoming ones as well. Relax.” Seungkwan says while massaging his shoulders. And even when he stops, his touch lingers on Vernon’s skin a little too long.

“Can I ask for something kinda weird?” He turns his chair around to face Seungkwan.

“Yeah, I guess.” He shrugs.

“Can I kiss you?”

“But we only do it when we–"

“I know but, uhm, kissing helps me with the stress...” Vernon doesn’t mention how it’s kissing _him_ that helps the stress. He doesn’t mention that it’s his touch that makes him feel better. He doesn’t mention how Seungkwan makes him feel at home.

“Okay, sure.” And so, Vernon stands up and kisses him, he pushes Seungkwan lightly to sit at the end of his bed. “But we can’t make out for too long though, I have to go get ready for my date tonight.” Seungkwan speaks breathy after he breaks the kiss.

“Oh.” It stings. It stings in his heart that he can’t make him stay, he has no right to. “You can just go home then and get ready. I know you take too long.” He chuckles to try not to sound bitter and to hide the pain behind his voice.

“Yeah, that’s true, I guess I’ll get going now.” He gets up, plants a kiss on Vernon’s forehead and ruffles his hair like a puppy. “I’ll text you later okay? And thank your mom for the biscuits by the way, they were great.”

He watches him walk away and he hears a muffled goodbye Seungkwan gives to Sofia who must be in the living room. His heart hurts and he feels stupid for even asking Seungkwan to kiss him. They’re best friends, with benefits, that's true and every now and then they make out when they’re drunk out of their minds, but usually they only kiss when they’re fucking or about to, or when they feel lonely and needy. Vernon once made a mental note to not let it get too bad, to not let him fall too deep, needless to say that it was absolutely useless. He pretends he’s fine, he pretends it doesn’t destroy him on the inside when he sees Seungkwan flirting and making out with other guys at parties. He could confess, if only Seungkwan hadn’t told him that it would be weird if they ever dated, because they’re just best friends. If only Seungkwan hadn’t told him what they do is just for fun and that no feelings should be involved. If only Seungkwan hadn’t told him about the massive crush he has on some guy from his literature class.

_And yeah, I’ve let you use me from the day that we first met_

_But I’m not done yet_

_Falling for you_

_Fool’s gold_

_And I knew that you turn it on for everyone you met_

_But I don't regret_

_Falling for you_

_Fool's gold_

March 2017

Vernon’s sitting in the corner of the living room of someone’s house with his maybe 6th cup half empty, Soonyoung might’ve mentioned whose party it was when he dragged him there, but he can’t remember anymore, he’s focused on the cute boy dancing like there’s no tomorrow in the middle of the made up dance floor and singing along to whatever girl group is currently playing like his lungs might burst. He’s got rosy round cheeks and honey hair. Next to him there’s a couple quite literally eating each other’s faces off, it’s a bit gross but it’s a frat party, this is a common occurrence.

“Penny for your thoughts?” He looks up to find the source of the unknown voice and discovers it’s the cute boy who was dancing, he didn’t even notice him approach. “I’m Seungkwan.” He says with a smile and shoots a hand at Vernon for him to shake.

“I’m Vernon.” He smiles and shakes his hand back, he’s got soft baby skin.

“What are you doing alone at a party, Vernon?” He sits next to him.

“My friend dragged me here.” He shrugs. “I lost him like an hour ago so now I’m just sitting here drinking and silently making fun of other drunk people doing stupid shit. Your voice is great by the way, heard you singing earlier.” Vernon blurts out and looks at Seungkwan's flushed face.

“You're cute, I feel like making out with you. Can I?” Seungkwan says and brushes a few strands of Vernon's hair aside to look him in the eyes. He feels his insides twist, no one’s ever been this honest with him about making out at a party, even if they were drunker than Seungkwan is or seems to be. Vernon simply nods, his racing mind and heart won't let him form any coherent sentence right now.

They kiss and it's like Vernon combusts. Maybe it's the alcohol, maybe it's just Seungkwan, maybe he’s fire and Vernon is the fuel. People say you shouldn't play with fire but he doesn't give a damn. It's like he's intoxicated. Making out with someone you just met shouldn't feel like this, it shouldn't light your soul on fire.

After 15 minutes of heated kisses in the corner of the room, a trip upstairs that shouldn't have taken 5 minutes, more 20 minutes of even more heated kisses and a blow job, they collapse on top of someone's bed.

“Well, that was heavenly.” Vernon breathes pulling his pants back up.

“You're cool, I like you, let's be friends.”

“Sure, I’d like that.” He had no clue what implications that simple statement would have on him in the future. A new friend sounded nice and from where they started Vernon had hope for something more from Seungkwan.

“How does friends with benefits sound to you?” Seungkwan questions interrupting his thoughts.

“Sounds fine for me.” It's like Seungkwan has this power that makes it impossible to say no to him, he draws you in and wether you like it or not you're going to fall.

October 2018

Vernon doesn't know when he fell in love with Seungkwan, or when he realized he was in love. It feels like it's been forever, it feels like he fell on that same night they met and there's nothing he can do about it. Being in love with Seungkwan is not easy but he couldn't imagine otherwise. He's grown so used to him, to his warm smile, soft hands and honey hair, to his lame jokes, to his gigantic heart, to his touch. Vernon’s miserably in love with him and the maybe the worst thing is that he doesn't regret it. Even if he knows there's no chance their relationship will ever go beyond the benefits, even when Seungkwan goes to him after a date gone wrong and does what he pleases. And Vernon agrees, he agrees because it's one more chance to have Seungkwan’s lips on his own, it's one more chance to have him close, it's one more chance to feel him and his warmth. And it's fucking destructive.

“Vernon, for the love of god, I can't stand seeing you like this anymore.” Soonyoung interrupts his thoughts. “I'm worried about you… Can you like… either confess or move on? You're just getting yourself hurt.”

“I can't help it Soonyoung and I can't do either of those. I'm not confessing to him, that's insane and I can't move the fuck on.”

“Of course you can’t, when you're being stupid by still sleeping with him. I get that you want him but this sex without “feelings” thing is making you miserable cause you're overflowing with the fucking feelings.”

“Don't you think I know this? Don't you think I know he won't like me back? I know it and it hurts but when he comes to me I just– I can't say no. It's like I can have him one more time you know… just for a little while, and it feels real even though I know it's not.”

“I'm not saying it can't ever be real, but this has been going on for so long and each passing month you just go deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole and I can't pull you back up. It really hurts seeing you like this…” He trails off and gets up to comfort and hug a crying Vernon.

“I'm sorry.” Vernon sobs in Soonyoung’s arms.

_I’m the first to admit that I'm reckless_

_I get lost in your beauty and I can't see two feet in front of me_

_And I know in my heart, you're just a moving part_

January 2020

Vernon feels like doing something crazy, like confessing. But then he remembers Seungkwan is currently on a date with a guy who’s not him. His phone buzzes disrupting his thoughts, and of course it’s Seungkwan.

**Seungkwan:** hey, just got home from my date

**Vernon:** cool :) how was it?

**Seungkwan:** eh, he was boring and nothing happened :/

**Vernon:** oh, well that sucks :/ can i go over?

**Seungkwan:** pls do, im jerking off on my own

**Vernon:** i’ll help

**Seungkwan:** feeling bold today, are we?

**Vernon:** im omw ;)

He puts his phone down and gets ready to leave. Since he can’t confess, he might as well fuck his brains out. He can’t have all of Seungkwan, but he can have a part of him and Vernon will take what he can get.

He arrives around 20 minutes later and is greeted with a shirtless Seungkwan at the door. He's grown some muscle since the last time Vernon saw him naked.

“Stop staring!” He hits Vernon’s arm.

“Sorry.” He smiles and shoots his arms up in defense. “It's just that last time I saw you without a shirt on your abs weren't showing so much, you look good.”

“Thanks. You can come in now, ass kisser.”

“I wasn't kissing your ass, I was telling the truth.” He walks past Seungkwan to the living room.

“Do you want a drink?”

“No, thanks, I had a few beers earlier, I’m good for today.”

“I knew all that boldness had to be because of alcohol. You're such a lightweight.” He smirks and sits next to Vernon on the couch.

“Hey! I can be bold sometimes.”

“Okay, whatever you tell yourself. Do you wanna watch something?”

“Not really…” Vernon looks at him, he’ll never get tired of seeing Seungkwan, his rosy round cheeks, his heart melting smile, the little moles on his face, everything about him is so beautifully endearing.

“Why did you come then?” He pouts.

“I wanna fuck.” Vernon bursts out without even realizing what he said.

“Oh? Alright, I could use that after tonight. A distraction would be great.” It sort of pains Vernon that he just called him a distraction but he couldn't be damned right now, he just wants Seungkwan. It's been too long. Vernon sits on his lap, each of his thighs on Seungkwan’s sides and he kisses him hungrily, like it's all he's ever wanted (and it is), he goes deeper into his mouth and presses his body closer, almost grinding on the smaller boy.

“Wow.” Seungkwan breathes. “Someone's wild today. That only happens when you're sad or needy, did someone break your little heart or are you really just needy?”

“A bit of both.” Maybe Vernon had too many beers earlier, and the alcohol left him too honest for his own good.

“Wait. What? Who do yo–“

“I don't wanna talk about it.” He cuts him off

“Okay, but we're not done with this.”

“Whatever.” He presses his lips on Seungkwan’s before he can say anything else.

_Yeah I know your love’s not real_

_That's not the way it feels_

_That's not the way you feel_

They're both laying next to each other on Seungkwan's bed with nothing but sweatpants on, their sweaty bodies pressed against each other, this is Vernon’s favorite part about the whole benefits thing he has with him. It's the closeness, how he fits so well with Seungkwan’s body, how everything feels so right even though it doesn't last too long, those moments where their touch is still lingering on their skin. He treasures each of these moments like it's the last one.

“Hey.” Seungkwan whispers and makes Vernon turn to look at him with his index finger on his jaw. “What was that about someone breaking your heart earlier?”

“I said I don't wanna talk about it.” He sits on the edge of the bed with his face buried on his hands.

“You know I love you and I care about you, Vernon. You can talk to me.” Vernon can hear the sincerity in his voice. He knows Seungkwan cares, they're best friends, he knows they're always there for each other. He knows Seungkwan loves him but not the way he wants it and he can't possibly fuck up their years of friendship because he can't move on. “Vernonie, are you okay?”

“Please don't ask me that.” He’s tired of lying and he feels a knot on his throat and the tears swelling behind his eyes.

“You're really worrying me right now. What's going on?” He kneels in front of Vernon.

“It doesn't matter, lets–“

“No, Vernon, it matters, look at you, you don't look even remotely okay.”

“Stop! Stop. Stop caring, why are you like this?” He cries out.

“What? What are you talking about? You're not making any sense, I’ll never stop caring about you, are you crazy?”

“I am, I’m fucking crazy and you're making it so hard for me. I wish I could blame you, for this, for anything…but you didn't do shit, it's all my fault. I’m miserable and it's all my fault...” He sobs.

“Vernon… what are you… talking about? Blame me for what? Why are you miserable? I’m really fucking worried about you.”

“Blame you for being so insanely amazing, for making me fall so fucking deep, for everything. I’m miserable because I love you, and it hurts and I wish I wasn't ruining everything right now but I’m so tired. It hurts. It hurts so bad and I’m sorry.” Vernon finally looks up, eyes stinging from all the sobbing, tears still streaming down his face. Seungkwan gets up and takes a step back, mouth open like he wants to say something but doesn't know what, eyes starting to look wet.

“I– I’m so sorry… Vernon I… I wish I could make the hurting stop. I'm so sorry.”

“You don't have to apologize. You did nothing wrong.” Vernon lowers his head.

“Can I ask for how long…?” Seungkwan hesitates.

“Since we met? I hadn't realized at the time but I'm pretty sure it was that first night we met.”

“Vernon… you've liked me for almost three years? But… wasn't this making it harder.” He gestures his hands between them.

“Yeah but I couldn't help it, I couldn't stay away, I wanted you in any way I could have you. It's selfish, I'm sorry, and I’m sorry for putting in this situation.”

“It's not...” He fiddles with his fingers. “It's not selfish I mean, I get it… I’m sorry… for not feeling the same way.”

“I told you, you don't have to apologize. I’m going home, I’m tired.” He feels numb.

“It's late, you can st–“

“I’ll be fine.” Vernon gets up, quickly fetches his clothes and leaves.

And that night he cries himself to sleep, like many nights before. But it's worse this time. He just ruined his friendship with the person he loves the most because he couldn't shut his mouth and it hurts, it hurts more than anything he's ever felt and he feels drained, he feels like he could sleep for a whole year or just disappear off the face of the earth.


End file.
